Sometimes in a household where a couple have much to accomplish; kids, jobs, money, the runnings of a home, it can be exhausting for them both, and there are inevitably some jobs that come up along the way that at the end of a tiring day, neither person wants to do. The biggest trap the couple can fall into is to start competing for 'who's done more recently,' or 'who's most exhausted,'
If you and your partner begin competing in this way to justify being able to rest, then you are empowering and magnetising a reality where you believe you both must suffer to earn your rest. You start creating a reality where suffering becomes a currency - you start creating a belief that you both must to suffer for your love.
This inevitably creates an ugly, manipulative relationship where both people are inflating their sense of being a victim to get their needs met and competing for the ‘Martyr Crown.’ This will kill the attraction in the relationship stone dead.
To vulnerably ask for the support I need without fighting for it with the expectation of refusal or injustice, is Intimacy.
Try this:
Practice saying ‘No’ without following it with an excuse. There’s nothing sexier than someone who’s in touch with their ‘No’. We’re so used to fending off demands that we can forget our innate right to just say ‘No’ to something we don’t want to do. To make excuses while you say ‘No’ is a manipulative placating device to control the other person’s response to your refusal. It’s also a statement that you yourself doubt your own right to refuse and need to back it up with justifications. Justifications make you sound like you yourself lack the belief in your own justice. For a day (and for the rest of your life) take a long moment to check-in with yourself thoroughly before you agree to anything. Without an Intimate relationship with your own preferences and needs you will automatically roam and wander into situations and realities that don’t serve or excite you. Practice saying ‘No’ with full, centered presence whenever it is your truth. And don’t protect everyone so much from their responses to your truth. We are creating a honest, visible world and their messy responses are far more nourishing and authentic than this insipidly fake ‘politeness’ and ‘appropriateness’.
Please write what happens below and how you feel right now about being THAT honest.
Both Creative and Intimacy weekend workshops at http://www.jamiecatto.com/